Oh, teenage boys. How do we love them, let us count the ways. (*Pause here for epic moment of silence*) God love teenage boys, because they certainly need the support. When my two brothers were teenagers, there was no limit to the grossness they would create together. Even now as adults, when they get together for any prolonged amount of time, they immediately devolve into their teenage selves, which equates to one heaping pile of gross.

Luckily, gross has its benefits -- like being insanely hilarious to boot. One mom found this out first-hand when she asked her gang of teenage boys to go outside and rake up the backyard. It was covered in leaves. They did the chore as asked and with no complaining. Which made her suspicious, and rightly so. They arranged the leaves to spell out "PENIS." Though, give credit where it's due -- they did a thorough job of it.

Only two boys working in tandem could make an innocuous task like yard-work dirty. Then again, there really aren't ANY tasks teenage boys can't manage to make worthy of a few snickers. I've taken the liberty of compiling a few them here for your edification.

1.) Shoveling Snow

Oh sure, they'll do it and maybe even do it well -- but damned if they won't also spell out their names in urine to the best of their ability.

2.) Scooping Dog Poop

Poop is inherently disgusting. Leave it to teenagers to up the ante of nastiness. Take for example "someone" I know who stored some poop from the backyard he was supposed to throw out and instead put it in a jar and left it in the basement to "see what would happen." Oy.

3.) Washing the Car

Soap suds were made to draw in with fingers. Smears on your car hood don't sound like the worst thing imaginable -- until you realize that the drawings in question are totally genitalia.

4.) Folding Laundry

Best to take your panties out of the mix; otherwise, they will absolutely be worn on lower halves or, god help us, on heads.

5.) Cleaning Windows

Problematic for the same reasons as car cleaning and more -- nothing says "press your nipple and/or butt against me" quite like clean glass. Sigh.

What's the grossest prank your teenage boy has ever played?

Image via Reddit

I haven't gotten as much done today as I would've liked. That's because I keep watching the trailer for the new Godzilla that's slated to come out in 2014. If you don't know about it, the flick is directed by Gareth Edwards and stars a plethora of THE BEST ACTORS EVER, including Bryan Cranston, Juliette Binoche, Elizabeth Olsen, Ken Watanabe, and David Strathairn. I cannot. Even. Tell you. How. EXCITED I AM! 

Even if movie monsters aren't your thing, I guarantee you that one peek at the trailer will have you rethinking your stance. If the flick is anywhere near as good as the trailer indicates (may it please the three-headed dog who is my higher power), we are in for a powerhouse of an action flick. And it's about time.

If all you know about Godzilla is the "cheesy" movie monster from days of yore, everything is about to change. This trailer makes it clear that the film will be very much about the horror of the devastation Godzilla creates, as much as it is about the monster himself. Add to that some pretty intense emotional stakes, and, why, friends, you've got a movie worth paying to see in theatres.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

I'm a huge action movie nerd and even bigger Godzilla fan. But you don't have to be an adrenaline junkie to get into a good action film. In fact, the really solid ones work because the actors they feature are at the top of their game (I'M LOOKING AT YOU, JURASSIC PARK AND ALSO THE MUMMY). If you have an actor who can communicate the intrapersonal drama taking place when a giant dino-beast destroys your city, you can't go wrong. This one looks to be sure to join the ranks! It hits theatres in May of 2014!

What other monster movies deserve a modern take?

Image via YouTube

Kailyn Lowry certainly deserves some pampering. No one is arguing with that. I mean, maybe if I had a few drinks in me, I'd fight that statement. While drinking I've also been known to argue that the sky is not blue and also that people do not need oxygen to breathe. So there's that. Still, with a new marriage and a brand new baby in her family, she's either stressed and in need of some TLC or she's a superhero.

Since Marvel isn't issuing a press release to address the latter, I'm going to assume it's safe to say that Kailyn is experiencing the stress of all new moms. Luckily for her, husband Javi Morroquin isn't oblivious to her needs and is doing everything he can to help ease some of that tension.

More from The Stir: 'Teen Mom' Kailyn Lowry Comes to Terms With Sad Truth About Baby Lincoln

Kailyn recently shared proof that Javi's the dude with the most-est when it comes to keeping his lady relaxed. It's clear that he's doing all he can to soothe the missus, and Kailyn recently posted a pic on Instagram as proof of just that. Observe, Javi rubbing Kailyn's feet:

It's great that he's being so attentive (God knows she deserves it), but the image kind of crosses a line for me. I'm not saying it's particularly outrageous or obscene or anything (because I am not a crazy person, nor do I enjoy dolling out chum for the trolls). It's just that the picture seems super intimate. It's great that he takes such good care of her, but maybe that's something that should be shared between just the two of them.

Are you cool with the picture, or do you think it should have stayed private?

Image via Instagram

I'm 30 and single. It's a weird state of being. It's not as though I've taken a vow of chastity or sworn off the opposite sex. In terms of how I approach dating, nothing has really changed -- for me, anyway. In my mind the only difference is I've just, you know, gotten older. The rest of the world doesn't see it that way. I didn't expect for my age to impact the way other people viewed me. I certainly didn't expect for my numbers to plummet in the world of prospective online dating partners.

But it has! You see, lately, folks have been treating me like I'm a stereotypical spinster. You know, the old lady, loveless but for the affection she shares with her 80 cats. For your information, I've only got three cats and so much love to give. You might know you aren't ready to be written off yet, but some idiots may not agree with you. Read on for 10 Signs You Might Be a Spinster.

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1. You Have Prolonged Conversations With Your Cats

... and they "talk back." If your cat has started giving you sound advice regarding life, god, and the nature of the universe, You Are a Spinster.

2. You Have No Time for PDA

Like, at all. No. It's gross. You save your French kisses for chocolate cake, thank you very much. If you used to coo at couples smooching sweetly while they waited for the bus and now all you want to do is hose them down, You Are a Spinster.

3. You Dress for Comfort

... not style. If you once ran about in negative degree weather in a mini skirt and open-toed shoes but now get cold without thick wool socks, sensible shoes, a puffy coat, a ridiculous hat, and homely scarf, You Are a Spinster.

4. You Go to Bars to Drink

... not to meet guys. If you're flirting with the bartender and it's in the hopes of getting free pickled eggs, not his phone number, You Are a Spinster.

5. A Guy's Hotness Stops Mattering

If your list of standards used to include stuff like "must be over six feet, must have anchor tattoo, must be funny, must do art on the weekends, must be able to write in iambic pentameter," but now it's dwindled to "won't murder me," You Are a Spinster.

6. You've Got a Gayle to Your Oprah

You still live with your best friend from college and you're both over 30. But now for the first time, people are openly questioning your sexuality. If people used to think of you guys as partners in crime but now look at you curiously when she's still your plus one, You Are a Spinster.

7. You've Thought About Adoption

... and/or using a sperm donor. If you used to laugh off the idea of having kids ("let me get my driver's license first, please, I'm a mess," etc.) but now have to be stopped from jealously rubbing the bellies of pregnant strangers, You Are a Spinster.

8. Your Parents' Friends Have Perma-Frowns Around You

While your parents' friends used to be happy to see you, now things have changed. If every time they see you they squeeze your arm and ask you how you are as if someone's died, You Are a Spinster. (Note: John Waters would never judge me. For being a spinster, anyway.)

9. You've Seriously Considered Buying 'Life Alert'

If you've ever tripped over a wine bottle/cut your hand making slice and bake cookies/fallen in the shower and thought "good lord, it's the big one," You Are a Spinster.

10. You've Never Been Happier

If at the end of the day it doesn't matter what the world thinks because you've got a life you love, friends you adore, and a killer sense of humor, You Are a Spinster.

Are you a spinster and proud of it?

Images via kevin dooley; tumblr; snarksquad; funnyjunk; survivingcollege; photobucket; uproxx; tressugar; tumblr; tumblr; photobucket

At this point, we all know that buying organic foods whenever possible is definitely the way to go. But going full-on organic can be so expensive. Where can we cut corners without risking our health?

When it comes to produce, it's best to operate using the thin-skin rule. If the food has a thick skin you peel and discard (like say that of a banana or an orange), you can get away without buying the organic iteration. With fruits like apples, grapes, and tomatoes, it's better to spend more for your health.

But what about dairy? Standing in front of the cheeses, creams, and milks, there isn't a set-rule for when going organic is a must. A new study might have just made things a little easier for us. What they found out about milk will change the way you shop organic forever.

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It turns out that whole, organic milk is absolutely the best thing going. Not only does it taste good, but whole, organic milk contains way more of the fatty acids that keep your ticker healthy than its not-so-organic counterparts. In fact, whole, organic milk is so good for your heart that experts are now saying that drinking it regularly could reduce your risk of cardiovascular disease!

But how can organic milk be so much better for you than regular milk? Easy! Under the guidelines for organics, cows on Organic Dairy Farms must spend considerable time grazing and eating grass. Wouldn't you know it -- grass is super high in omega 3s, which the cows then pass on to us by way of their milk.

All milk is good for you -- even non-organic milk from cows who eat a mainly corn-based diet. But this study now indicates that whole, organic milk is just plain better. I've long made it a point to buy organic (hormone-free) milk for my home. My brother gives me a load of grief about it claiming it doesn't make a difference. Thanks to science, he's going to have a lot of crow to stomach when I get home from work. YAY SCIENCE. 

Do you shop organic? What are your "musts" when it comes to organic shopping?

Image via Muffet/Flickr

I cannot tell you the amount of times I have been late because of public transportation. Work or play, it almost never fails. Unless I allot time ON TOP of the time I've already rationed out for travel, the only thing that winds up being dependable about my commute is the extra 15 minutes it takes me to get to my final destination.

This is no big deal at parties -- some would argue it's even fashionable. But at work? That's another story. Nothing screams 'unprofessional' quite the way tardiness does. In New York, the MTA feels your pain. While they might not be immediately able to speed up your commute (*pauses to shake fist at the heavens*), they WILL write you a late note to bring to your boss.

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Yeah. You heard me. Oh sure, they can't stop raising the price of our fare, and my morning train is slower and more crowded by the day -- but at least they're willing to take one for the team. How very thoughtful of them. Can you even imagine how much more time you'll waste trying to get someone to actually put pen to paper? Forget it. That is time wasted that could be better spent running to work.

New York's not the only place in the world where late notes are made available for wronged-commuters. This has been a long-standing policy in Tokyo. It got me thinking of all the other places that should offer late notes. Here are 5 of them!

1. Beds

If my bed were a sentient being, oh the notes I would have it write. "Becca was late today because I am too warm and snuggly and delicious. Sorry not sorry, sincerely, The Bed."

2. Cable

Specifically, Law & Order marathons. Oh the time that has passed before I realized I was supposed to be at that appointment ... 30 minutes ago. Boo hiss!

3. Bars

To winnow it down a bit -- alcohol should apologize. For being so damned delicious. But since that doesn't seem likely, we'll settle for a note penned by the bar, explaining that it was full of much too much yummy wine in need of drinking.

4. Jobs

Forget being late TO work, what about being late getting home? Our jobs owe our families a letter explaining why it was so crucial we stay in that four-hour managers' meeting. But be forewarned: Children do not have much time for your 9-5 type excuses, "job."

5. Cute Animals

In lieu of an actual note explaining that the need to rub a kitten's belly had made you lose track of time, we suggest just bringing the kitten. It's all about the visual aids.

What makes you late the most often?

Image via Orangeadnan/Flickr

'Tis the season for gift giving. Top of my style wish list? I ache for an Alexander Wang dress. Seriously, it doesn't get any better than a Wang Wrap (which is also, coincidentally, what she said). The difference between me and a celebrity like Rihanna though? I don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of finding anything couture hiding underneath my Christmas tree come the morning of the 25th.

But Riri? Girl didn't even have to wait for Christmas day to start amassing a pretty serious gift haul. Because Rihanna is such a designer's darling, it's not exactly a surprise that when the season for giving and receiving rolls around, they shower her in goodies.

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Rihanna shared Instragram pics of her haul. It included goodies by Rodarte, Prada, Opening Ceremony, and Versace. The swag included designer shoes, shirts, bags, and so much more. So basically, her closet from Christmas gifts alone looks like what I hope heaven will resemble. Awesome. No, I don't feel bad about myself or remotely jealous. Nope. Not at all.

A personal gift from Dontella Versace? No big deal. Look at me shrug. I mean, after all, extreme and luxurious style-gifts aren't anything new. David Beckham once gifted fashionista Victoria "Posh" Beckham a diamond encrusted purse that was valued at more than $100,000! Courteney Cox loves Chanel and her bestie Jennifer Aniston so much that she bought her a Chanel bicycle. That's definitely a gift for someone who seems to have it all.

Rihanna may have it all too, but she certainly doesn't seem to mind more. Take, for example, this insane neon pink clutch courtesy of Stella McCartney. I AM OBSESSED. The shape, the texture, the size. It's all perfect:

The difference between those other big celebs and Rihanna? They don't go around sharing photos of all their fabulous and stylish presents online. I mean, I know she makes a lot of charitable donations, but dude -- that doesn't make it cool to rub your insanely on trend wardrobe in our faces, ya know?

Like, just when I thought the madness had stopped, she shared this insane personal note from the girls at Rodarte. In addition to teasing the gifts they sent her way. It was basically more than I could stomach. She needs to stop already.

Do you think it's cool she shared, or is this just a humble-brag?

Images via Instagram

I love the Internet. I love chatting online, I love shopping, I love falling into the black-hole of a good Wikipedia session. But there is one thing I love more than anything else the web might have to offer. The memes.

Nothing better encapsulates the insanity, randomness, and viral sense of humor quite the way a good meme does. Seriously! Memes are about community! At their best they capture a moment of pop cultural relevance in a crystal. At their worst, they can still manage to make us chortle.

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With the year winding down, I thought now might be a good time to share some of my favorite memes from the year 2013. Some are political, some are satirical, some feature animals, and all of them are just plain hilarious. Click through to see who made the cut!

What was your favorite meme this year?

Image via BuzzFeed

Big Tips Texas what are you even? I thought watching tonight's episode that there was only one possible explanation for the insanity I was witnessing. I must have fallen asleep in front of the T.V. and dreamed it all up. But my DVR indicates otherwise. If you thought this week would be more of the same -- you were totally wrong.

Oh sure, the Morgan and Krysten feud continued on its merry way. I think if you've got a serious case of bitchy-resting-face like Morgan, you have to push feuds to the limit. She was jaw-droppingly mean to Krysten who just wants to make sure their boyfriends' bickering doesn't come between them. Too late, Krysten. Morgan sneers at her former besties's attempts to make nice, disses her (mocking her fake tan) and then dismisses her (and in so doing tries to coin a catchphrase which I will not dignify by reprinting here). 

More from The Stir: 'Big Tips Texas' Recap: Morgan Bites The Hand That Feeds Her

But their feud? Just the tip of the iceberg. In fact, by the close of the episode the girl fight was just about the most realistic thing taking place on this alleged "reality show". I know it's not exactly news that reality shows are finely crafted, honed and far from true to life -- but few are as outrageous in their fakery as what we all saw tonight.

First up, we have Amber, or as she is known when drunk, Sexy Kitty. Sexy Kitty met a boy. He was tall and had all his parts. They went to a Honky Tonk. Then he drove wasted and Amber had to call her best friend to bail her out of jail. She got into the car with her shirt on backwards. Her friend mewed concerned noises. Everything about the scene smelled like a rat. Or maybe that was just the lingering booze on Amber's breath.

But any and all doubts about the veracity of what I was witnessing were banished from my mind with the Mimi subplot. Remember last week how Mimi went on a date? Well that dude, Colton, is now her boyfriend. They are moving in together. Two dates later. And she doesn't feel well. Because SHE IS PREGNANT. Good lord this show moves faster than Scandal! In what could have easily been a PSA for not working at a titty bar, Mimi was caught bawling over a pregnancy test by her boss Typhani. And by bawling I mean making noises that a crying person might make. DARE ME TO CARE ABOUT YOU, SHOW. DARE YOU.

Do you think I'm being harsh? Did it seem suuuuper fake to you?

Image via MTV

After tomorrow's installment, all fans of Scandal and its tortured, white-coat (if not always hat) wearing, and wine swilling heroine Olivia Pope will have to wait until February to sink their eyeballs into any new episodes. There aren't enough GIFs of Liv and Fitz making out in the world to distract us until then. And my collection is sizable.

Television genius Shonda Rimes' insanely inventive (and insanely addictive) show about the seedy underbelly of Washington, D.C. prides itself on delivering gasp-worthy moments scene by scene by scene. Put on some pearls when you sit down to watch -- 'cause you're going to be clutching them by minute five. This season the hits are coming faster than ever. And we're loving every minute of it.

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Basically, me watching an episode of Scandal quickly devolves into clutching my own face and repeatedly muttering "I can't, I can't, I can't." It's stressful and delicious. Oh sure, the show, if broken apart for analysis, is essentially equal parts melodrama, sexual fantasy, and wish fulfillment -- but you say that like it's a BAD thing!

For new fans and old alike, we've all got our favorite moments from the show. Let's revisit some of the most shocking things that have gone down this season. Because memories are beautiful, tomorrow night's episode is sure to be insane, and February seems really far away right now.

1.) Lisa Kudrow's Baby!

Man, it looked like Pope and Associates were so close to helping get a woman into the White House! But when Kudrow's character, Josie Marcus, revealed that the woman working for her whom she called her sister was actually a secret baby from her teen years, it set the stage for a chain of events that would eventually have her out of the running.

2.) Vermont!

Fitz and Liv! They are destined to be together! In Vermont! Making jam! And having babies! They reminded us of this when, after one of their usual tortured not-speaking-to-you sessions, Fitz presented Liv with the house he had built for her! They proceeded to bang, and verily, I wept. WHY IS EVERYTHING SO HARD YOU GUYS?

3.) FITZ NO!

Remember when it was revealed that maybe during his time serving the country, Fitz prrrrobably shot down a plane that was carrying LIV'S MOM? Well it happened. And it was shocking. Talk about deal-breakers.

4.) Olivia's Mom!

But then everything was okay! Because Olivia's mom was alive! And being held in a top-secret jail under a false name. "Damn you to hell, Olivia's father!" The nation seemed to say.

5.) Quinn!

I can't with Quinn. I know she's not a fan fave, but she's a Becca fave -- especially once she was tricked by Charlie into joining Command's spy/killer operation! Quinn went from fake killer in season 1 to real killer now. Plus, her down and dirty post-torture sex session with Charlie I was maybe way more into than is normal or healthy. Whatever. Moving on.

6.) Olivia's Mom AGAIN!

You know what's worse than going your entire adult life thinking that your mother died in a plane crash, and then thinking your father planned to have her killed, and then thinking that he made your married boyfriend do it, and then realizing she was alive all this time? Helping her escape the country right before you realize she is a big ol' terrorist who you just aided and abetted.

7.) Sally NAAAO!

Being the Vice President is no small thing. Sally Langston knows this to be true. There are many duties she must uphold -- but her ambition and her right-wing agenda make things super difficult for her. Still, you'd think she could handle a little thing like, oh, NOT murdering her closeted gay husband for cheating on her with the chief of staff's husband? Right? SALLY FOR PRESIDENT. OF JAIL.

What was your favorite moment so far in Scandal this season?

Image via ABC

Every single lady in the Kardashian clan loves them some makeup. We, in turn, love them for it. True story, Kim Kardashian once inspired me to go get airbrushed makeup put on. It was like a beautiful nightmare.

They are all about bold looks. Even members of the younger generation do not hesitate to try something a bit daring when it comes to lip or nail color. Take these recent snaps of Kylie Jenner taken as she was leaving a nail salon.

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Kim and Khloe Kardashian are known for using bold lip color, and now baby sis is following in their stylish footsteps. But Kylie is making the look her own. She's rocking her matte-look red with a totally casual weekend boho kind of vibe instead of the structured statement looks her sisters tend to favor. Her more mellow approach to fashion makes her choice in lippy pop even more than it's designed to -- and I love everything about it. Hail Throbtron!

But don't let Kylie's jeans and distressed wash sweatshirt fool you. She is still very much every inch the fashionista. Did you see those nails?! Long, pale purple perfection. You might be thinking that such a hue isn't exactly seasonal. But I've got news for you -- when it comes to lilac, there's NEVER a wrong time of year.

All together, it's a look definitely worth coveting. We might not be able to be all "Giiiirl, where'd you get them things?!" But we do have ready access to the Internet. Which is almost like actually knowing a Kardashian (go with it). For a long-lasting matte-red lip like Kylie's, check out MAC's Ruby Woo ($14, World's Best Hair Care). To mimic Kylie's nails without the commitment, try these easy to apply and even easier nail polish stickers by Incoco in 'Kiss Me' ($7.99, Incoco.com).

Are you a slave to the seasons or do you use whatever color you want, whenever you want, you daring creature?

Image via Splash

Not long after Paul Walker's tragic death just after Thanksgiving, people began to talk about the future of his popular film franchise, The Fast & The Furious. If you ask me, it was way too soon to even be thinking about having that conversation. But Hollywood has never exactly been known for its, you know, soul or staunch uprightness.

One of the more upsetting rumors to emerge was that the makers of the seventh film were making plans to ditch footage of the late-star that he had made for it prior to his untimely death. Fans and friends of the actor alike were horrified, and justifiably so. It seemed like his memory was being erased as casually as the scenes themselves.

More from The Stir:'Fast & Furious' Actor Paul Walker Dead at 40

To give credit to the movie-makers, they almost immediately realized what a heinous mistake they had made. They issued a quick statement letting everyone know that the footage Walker had contributed would be staying in the seventh film. Instead of losing it, they would work around it. They brought in the movie's writer to pen the exit Walker and his character deserved. This brought fans of the franchise and the actor a sense of relief.

But I don't know how I feel about it. To me it sort of feels like a lose/lose situation. If you cut out Walker, you are being insensitive to his memory. But if you add in a story-line about his tragic end, aren't you being equally so -- just in a different way? To write in a story-line about his death is to essentially make a profit off of it, and I can't get behind that.

I thought it was smart when the commercials for the Fast 6 DVD made it clear that some proceeds would go to Walker's charity. If they are going to include his story in the new movie, they might want to consider another donation -- maybe in the amount of his salary. If they can't do that, they shouldn't make the flick at all.

Do you think it's in poor taste to include Walker in the new movie?

Image via Instagram

When a sign language interpreter hired to work onstage during Nelson Mandela's memorial service was revealed to be signing nonsense, the world was up in arms. And fair enough! It was incredibly disrespectful to that great leader to have someone pretending to know sign language on stage 'translating' the words of Mandela's grandchildren and leaders from around the world including President Obama.

What made the incident even more shocking? Once his skills (or lack thereof) had been confirmed, it was soon discovered that this wasn't the first time he had been hired to work in such a major capacity. But now reports are coming in that indicate this might be more than a simple instance of fakery. It turns out there's something much more troubling afoot.

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The interpreter in question, Thamsanqua Jantjie, told reporters that he does, in fact, know sign language. The reason he devolved into nonsense signs? He was suffering intense hallucinations at the time of the memorial. When asked about his strange behavior, Jantjie had this to say:

What happened that day, I see angels come to the stadium ... I start realizing that the problem is here. Sometimes I react violent on that place. Sometimes I will see things that chase me. And remember those people, the president and everyone, they were armed, there was armed police around me. If I start panicking I'll start being a problem. I have to deal with this in a manner so that I mustn't embarrass my country.

Um. So. Yeah. That guy stood three feet away from our President. Someone who admittedly has mental problems that sound not unlike symptoms indicating schizophrenia. Mental illness is nothing to take lightly, and it sounds like -- if his claims are true -- Jantjie was terrified.

However, no one can confirm whether or not Jantijie's story is true or if it's just another lie. The lack of answers to these questions about his basic background are deeply troubling.

The Secret Service released a statement detailing how officials like interpreters are hired by the host country. Which is all well and good, but you'd think they'd at least hold the host country to a more rigorous standard when it comes to background checks, right?

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Jantjie claims his employer knew he was ill and that he, in fact, had a doctor's appointment that day. But now the company that employed him has seemingly vanished overnight. If Jantjie is seriously ill, we can only hope he gets the help and support he needs and be thankful that poor signing was the worst thing that took place.

Do you think he's telling the truth or that it's just another lie?

Image via Andy Palmer/YouTube

You have items for every person on your holiday shopping list. There's the bulk order of fruit cake for your dad. You got your mom that soft cashmere throw she'd been eyeing (and on sale no less). The little kiddos gave you their lists back in August, and their foresight won't go unrewarded. But what about the teen in your life?

Teenagers are far more likely to tell you what they absolutely DON'T want than they are to make a list of one or two items that would make them smile. After all, smiles are the enemy. Why not use this season to make a little mischief?

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Rather than bust your hump trying to find a gift that turns them back into the angel they once were (roughly eight million years ago), why don't you settle for another form of extreme reaction? After all, they spend most of the year driving you quietly mad -- it's time to return the favor. Here are 5 gifts sure to mortify the teen in your life. Go for it -- after all, coal is dirty and also overrated.

1. "Team Mommy" T-Shirt

Because nothing says "just kill me know" like a novelty shirt proclaiming their love for you.

2. A Nightlight

They can pretend to be a bad-ass metal punk all they want during the day. But we know the truth. Somebody still gets the willies in the dark. Perhaps this penguin-shaped nightlight will help, sweetie.

3. Tickets to a Raffi/Demi Lovato/Justin Bieber Concert

Nothing makes them squirm more than those moments (god forbid) that you try to seem 'in touch.' Let them know you're wise to their game with concert tickets to a show so bad they'd be willing to stay home and watch movies with you.

4. Something ANYTHING Practical

One year as a teen my mother gave me a box full of socks and odor eaters. Message received mom, message received. Put the stinky jerk in your life in their place.

5. A Hug

Still not sure or conflicted over spending more on a novelty gift? Then this is the option for you. Smothering your angst-ridden brat with a giant hug is the gift that keeps on giving ... once they stop trying to flee, that is.

Who's the hardest person to shop for in your family?

Image via asenat29/Flickr

Oh France. How I love it. The nation of croissants and croque madames and crème brûlé. Also berets and the home of Sartre, but as neither of those things is edible (and one is a human man), I will mention them no more. One of the biggest cliches about the French is that -- when pressed -- they can serve up some major attitude. But hey, don't we all from time to time?

I've definitely noticed that my own patience can be in short supply. Especially when I'm in a rush and doing something like ordering a cup of coffee -- but because I'm civilized and rational, I keep it in check. It's easy to cave into our bad tempers and snap at the people helping us -- but just because it's easy, that doesn't make it right. One cafe in France was sick of rude customers, so they hit them where it hurt.

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After a glut of particularly rude lunchtime patrons started mistreating servers at this small cafe in Nice, its owner decided to make it clear that bad manners can only hurt. He changed the prices of his coffee to reflect how the customers behaved. If you just walked in and said "coffee," you were going to pay a hell of a lot more than the people who walked in and said, "Good day, may I please have a cup of coffee?"

The gentle and funny correction was really well-received by patrons. The customers all took the change in stride. Many of his regulars praised the owner for taking this step. The owner himself says he hasn't had to chargeanyone more for rudeness -- so the message has been received.

While this is hilarious, it's kind of sad that people need to be reminded to treat each other decently. It's like Bill and Ted said: Be Excellent to Each Other. Sadly, I'd also know some folks happy to pay more to keep being rude. That said, I can think of at least eight places I go to pretty regularly that could definitely make a small fortune by implementing this change.

Do you think this policy is fair?

Image via Twitter

Since announcing her pregnancy with husband John Krasinski back in September, the notoriously private Emily Blunt has kept her baby bump well under wraps. She's used all the old tricks like well-placed handbags and draped clothes to keep the paps at bay. She's never given a due date to the public, but sources close to the actress say she's now just weeks away.

The actress and first-time mom must be truly getting antsy. Because she's allowing herself to be photographed in public more and more these days. She's also been putting herself through the paces as her due date draws ever closer. Seriously. What she does in one day I can barely manage in a week.

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The proud mama-to-be was photographed just yesterday running every errand under the sun. Oh sure, she took some time out and was photographed going in and out of a spa. It's good she's taking the time she needs to pamper herself and relax, especially since she's probably getting a little uncomfortable. It's what she did AFTER the spa that had me, a not-pregnant lady, rethinking my life.

The woman went TO THE GYM! Can you imagine getting your nails done or a nice massage or facial at the spa and then rolling over to the gym? I certainly can't. I think now that she's close to giving birth, Emily's doing whatever she can to keep herself busy. Maybe she's even hoping that a nominal amount of healthy exercise can help bring on labor. Why she's doing what she's doing, she looks great, and I can't wait until we get to see that little bambino's face!

What did you do to pass the time during those last weeks of your pregnancy?

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Before she was Mrs. Eddie Cibrian, and before she was 'Real Housewife'Brandi Glanville's arch enemy, and waaaay before her name was ever bandied about in the tabloids for the amusement of the populace, LeAnn Rimes was just a little girl with a big ol' voice. The country star had -- and is still in possession of -- pipes big enough for a woman three times her size. Girlfriend, can sing. 

When she appeared on the American Country Awards this week, she had a chance to remind everyone just how much talent she has to share with the world. Rimes, who has often been compared to the country great Patsy Cline, was slated to sing a medley of that late singer's hits. But it was all way too much for her. 

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Before her medley of under four minutes was complete, LeAnn burst into tears. She later said that the emotional experience of singing in honor of her idol was totally overwhelming. She was able to quell the water-works and finish up like a pro -- but that wasn't the end of the story.

LeAnn told anyone who would listen that in order stop crying, she'd thought about sex. Uh, okay, LeAnn, that's cool. Why wasn't delivering a solid performance good enough for her? Why did she have to go a step further and try to make her heart-warming performance salacious? Frankly, it was much closer to a move we'd expect from Brandi. 

Her frank confession didn't just undermine her own performance, it undermined the artist she was there to honor. It's one thing to make a sassy confession to your girlfriends, it's another to announce your foibles to the world at large. If LeAnn's not careful all this posturing could make appearances like this one few and far between.

Do you think LeAnn is trying to be someone she's not?

Image via Twitter

Everything is coming up roses these days for Kailyn Lowry...said the oldest woman on the planet. Senior-citizen-worthy cliche or not, things are going really well for the 'Teen Mom' star. She's got a new baby, and thanks to Javi Marroquin, a brand-spankin' new name to go with her new hubby. Life, as the terrible over-priced tee-shirts at the mall say, is sweet. 

But what's this I see? Satan disguised as a serpent, offering Kailyn something good to eat? Well, if by 'serpent' you mean 'Twitter' and by 'something good to eat' you mean 'a sub-tweet' -- then yes, yes that is exactly what I see. Look out world, this so-called Garden of Eden is about to get a lot more passive-aggressive. Hold on to your butts, etc. 

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The usually sunny Kailyn used her 140 characters to tweet something sort of...strange. Without naming names, she referenced a mystery-someone in her universe as a try-hard who won't give up doing whatever possible to impress the people around them. Kailyn called out this unnamed person for their antics with the online equivalent of a MASSIVE eye-roll. 

Given the particular circle Kailyn orbits in the entertain-o-sphere, there's almost no end to who she could be talking about. Given their tortured past, the soap opera fan in me desperately wants this jibe to be aimed at her ex, Jo Rivera. But please, time and tide have proven that Jo's far more likely to toss the first stone. Plus Kailyn has totally moved on. 

People are cracking me up tonight. Stop trying to prove something to people. Stop trying to impress everyone! ��

Maybe the sub-tweet is directed towards one of her fellow Teen Moms. God knows Farrah Abraham gets up to enough nonsense that Kailyn could have finally gotten sick of it. Plus, Farrah does spend most of her time trying to impress the universe (if selling molds of your vagina counts as impressing the universe, and let's be real -- it TOTALLY does). 

But she might have another 'Teen Mom' 'mate in mind. Think about it: Who else has been in the press a fair amount these days, trying to make it clear that they are reformed, and happy, and have settled down for good? Why none other than the newly pregnant Jenelle Evans! Though sniping at Jenelle seems a bit low-down and dirty for good-girl Kailyn.

Who do you think Kailyn was talking about in her tweet?

Image via Instagram 

Dear Mega M&Ms:

It has been too long since I have last seen you. When our dear mostly deaf pastor brought me news that your arrival would be delayed until May of 2014, I wept bitter tears. However am I to manage without your presence throughout this long, cold, winter? I went for a snowy walk with our mutual acquaintance King Size Snickers, but he melted, I am sorry to say, in both mouth and hand: Forgive me my infidelity. The nights are long, chocolate delicious, my belly hollow, and I am weak and sweet-toothed in disposition. 

All my life, it seems, I have waited for you, as if in a dream. There are days even now when I am sure you cannot be real. As a girl, all the other women of my parish would oggle the "regular M&Ms" who strutted up and down the thoroughfare in their kidskin spats and feathered hats. 

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They called me "picky" and "greedy" when I rejected them. I was neither. I, was a dreamer, and my primary dream? One day meeting (and consuming, if you'll forgive my forwardness) an M&M containing 33% more chocolate than all others of its kind. They called me mad, I called them fools. 

I have decided to leave the parish and strike out for adventure while I await your return to me. Who knows what other giant treats I shall meet while I am gone. I plan on climbing cacao trees with a band of hardened graham crackers, on fencing piratical cream pies, taking to the sky above our heads in a contraption piloted by an aged macaroon.

A bigger chocolate, after all, deserves a bigger spirit, and I would not ever want to disappoint you, most luscious of all the hand-sized candies. I would ask, in future, that you do not include in your letters to me, nude etchings of your "travel companion" Mega Peanut M&M. I fear I may have given you both the wrong impression of my nature. While free love is all well and good for the French, there is only so much candy a girl can take.

Yours in confectionery bliss

Becca

What candy would you like to see a bigger version of?

Image via FlyNutAA/Flickr

The consummate fashionista, Rihanna was spotted just the other day as she trundled along the streets of New York City. It's been cold here (finally), and Rihanna was appropriately bundled up. But don't expect something like some frosty temps to slow this style queen's roll. Rihanna knows that it is indeed the season -- to rock some fur. Brace yourself, Riri. Because you are in for a WORLD ofPETA backlash.

I'm not a vegetarian and I do, I have to admit, own one (very old, very handed-down to me) fur coat. I also know how cruel this treatment is to animals. But, I mean, again, I eat said animals. As such, I have zero business scowling at celebs who wear fur. If I did that would make me a big ol' hypocrite.

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I think it's Rihanna's prerogative to wear all the fur she wants, provided she's willing to face the haters on the regs like so many fur-wearing celebrities before her. This might also make me sound like the devil -- but fur looks good! I would much rather see my celebrities striking a glam figure in their wintry paparazzi shots than maybe just manage to make out their eyes as they huddled in an ugly winter parka. 

After all, there are only so many ways to stay warm AND look good during the winter months. Wearing a fur coat is a long, and grand Hollywood tradition -- it bespeaks status and style, it says "Lauren Bacall", it says "Marilyn Monroe". So yeah, it's pretty close to being what I'd call legendary glamour.

Of course, if you are broke or diametrically opposed to wearing fur, you can definitely get some pretty killer faux looks. They exist, and, with rising activism, you see them more and more. But like so many other faux-products out there, they do carry with them a bit of a stigma. Even though I no better, when I see fake fur, I do think 'tacky'. 

Are you for or against wearing fur?

Image via Splash